now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
