God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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