I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
