wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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