The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
