Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
