I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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