why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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