Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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