and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
your thong is hanging out like whoa
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
