Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
