I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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