Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
