I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
