So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
