Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
