i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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