I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
