We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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