My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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