we're blogging at a bar
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
