dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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