I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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