Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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