I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
