Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
