Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
