You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
