My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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