Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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