Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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