Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
