it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
