I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
