Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
