hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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