im six kinds of drunk right now
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
