he puts the penis in happiness.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
