I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
