do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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