so explain again why im purple
no
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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