he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
two words...techno handjob
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
