I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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