Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
now i know why i became what i already was.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
