I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
