I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
