I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
