He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
