The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
