you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
