Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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