apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
