While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
