That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
how does that bad decision feel?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
